Beanz was a little disappointed to read the schedule for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s upcoming New Zealand visit. So he wrote to Kate and appealed to her better tastes… here is a copy of that letter!
Update! Beanz receives a reply…!
HRH The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge
London SW1A 1BA
Your Royal Highness,
Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is Beanz and I am passionate about my country and showing the finest side of it to young visitors such as yourself. In my role as a tour guide in New Zealand I have hosted literally thousands of young backpackers throughout the country showing them the time of their lives!
I have been following with great interest the upcoming planned trip of yourself and your husband, his Majesty the Duke of Cambridge and I have very much looked forward to your visit of our fine country. It is a sincere honour and pleasure as a New Zealander to be able to host your beautiful family.
Stray is highly regarded domestically and internationally, I would not be surprised if you have had a friend or two on or our tours at some stage. Our ranking on rankers.co.nz (NZ’s version of tripadvisor.com) is consistently very high and we consistently get people telling us their travel with us is the best time they have ever had.
Which is where my concerns lie. I’m sorry to say ma’am but I saw your itinerary in the paper the other day and my heart sunk. Speeches with boring politicians, nurse and parent group meetings, three different memorial services, a visit to the police college, and then, as a final indignity, you are to fly off to Sydney evidently to be greeted our less cultured cousins across the ditch.
I am truly sorry.
A young vibrant couple such as yourselves deserve much better than this. I know it is a late stage of the game, and your travels must be very much locked in, but you are the future Queen and King of my country, we must put our best foot forward here!
As such, Stray are offering your family and entourage free bus passes for your time in New Zealand. We offer a fully flexible travelling network, with the ability to hop-on and hop-off anywhere you like. Along the way you can expect to try your hand at surfing, whitewater rafting, walking the Tongariro crossing, sailing, kayaking, a genuine night in a bona-fide Marae (Maori meeting house), eel catching, fly fishing, bungy jumping, sky diving and even dabble in a bit of hunting if you wish!
I hope you consider our offer, we have good availability and are very flexible with our travellers, you can even drop us a line the night before travelling if you wish, so midway through John Key’s first speech feel free to nip out and give us a call, we will swing past and pick you up happily.
I have the honor to be Madam, your Majesty’s Humble and obedient servant.
Jo “Beanz” Crickett
Travel Oracle, GLHM
Stray – New Zealand, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam